Where Flexibility Meets Full Coverage

Empower Your Team to Take Control, Choosing Shifts that Work for Them
Discover How

Harry Potter and the Human Resources Nightmare

07-31-2018

2018 marks the 20th publication anniversary of Harry Potter for this side of the pond, and today is both Harry and JK Rowling's birthdays. To celebrate, I thought it’d be fun to combine JK and HP’s wizarding world with our magical world of HR. When reading or watching the series, anyone with a mind inclined toward HR can certainly envision the behind-the-scenes HR discussions that would occur in the hypothetical HR departments of the Ministry of Magic or Hogwarts in response to the series' events.   

However, rather than analyze the plethora of instances that call for HR intervention throughout the wizarding world, today I'm putting a magnifying glass on one specific HR nightmare. 

Dolores Umbridge. One of the most cringe-worthy, wicked characters of any series, Umbridge is an employee of the Ministry of Magic who takes up the positions of Defense Against the Dark Arts and “High Inquisitor” at Hogwarts, eventually manipulating her way to briefly occupy the position of Headmistress.   

Umbridge is an authoritative figure who holds unfair biases, abuses her power, and constantly creates and strictly enforces preposterous decrees. And, ironically, for somebody who loves her own rules, she is quite fond of breaking the rules of others, whether it be Ministry laws or standard HR practices.  

Her flaws are right there in her name: Dolores comes from the Latin word for pain and Umbridge is a modified spelling of "umbrage," meaning "offense, annoyance, displeasure.” An example of a true self-fulfilling prophecy. 

So, let’s dive in and unveil the HR violations of Dolores Umbridge. But remember, in this blog we're merging two different worlds: our world governed by HR, and the wizarding world that seemingly lacks it. So, for example, while our civil rights laws may not technically encompass species such as Merpeople or Giants, and the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) doesn’t necessarily protect those with Werewolfry, in this merged world we’ll assume they do.  

Discrimination 

In our world of HR and the workplace, we abide by laws and regulations enforced by the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) against discrimination. According to the EEOC, it is illegal to discriminate in every aspect of employment, including age, national origin, race, religion, and more. 

We also as a society try to abide by an inherent moral code of right and wrong. Dolores Umbridge lacks this fundamental moral code, of course, and she blatantly violates various codes of the EEOC both during her time at Hogwarts and the Ministry.  

From instilling anti-werewolf legislation making almost impossible for people like Remus Lupin to get a job to campaigning that Merpeople be rounded up and tagged, to her pursuit of firing Hagrid for being a half-giant, to calling centaurs "half-breeds," Umbridge makes discrimination part of her personal brand.  

Later in her career, Umbridge becomes head of the Muggle-Born Registration Commission, seeking to arrest witches and wizards with Muggle ancestors for stealing their magical abilities from "pure-blood" wizards.  Just to be clear, this is as crazy and impossible as it sounds. 

Toxic Culture 

If you need your office environment and company culture to be toxified, call Dolores Jane Umbridge. Talk about a toxic employee, or toxic boss, altering the environment they work in. Umbridge creates a culture of both fear and favoritism within Hogwarts, steepening the divide between the houses. We frown upon this in HR 

Umbridge's blatant favoritism of the Slytherin house and dislike of the three other houses, especially Harry's house of Gryffindor, is prominent from the start.  Take her stance on Quidditch, for example – after banning the sport at Hogwarts, she allows only the Slytherin team to resume practice until Professor McGonagall intervenes. In HR terms, this is parallel to interdepartmental bias and favoritism.  

Then, of course, there is her "Inquisitorial Squad," a select group of Slytherin students whom she empowers to take away points from other students' houses for supposed rule-breaking. In HR, while we obviously do not want a culture of rule-breaking, we do not encourage this "snitching" culture. Leaders need to empower their subordinates fairly, giving equal opportunity for all perks and rewards. 

Why Slytherin, you ask? Because this was Umbridge’s house during her time at Hogwarts – which makes sense, considering the house began with Salazar Slytherin, the prejudiced and discriminatory Hogwarts co-founder known to be only concerned with educating “pure-bloods.” 

Performance Management  

As “High Inquisitor” of Hogwarts, Umbridge takes it upon herself to determine the value of the professors currently working at Hogwarts, regardless of their tenure or of Dumbledore’s judgment. With the Ministry behind her, she evaluates the professors by sitting in on their classes and assessing their teaching abilities.  

Now, these sorts of performance reviews or check-ins on teachers are a very normal thing, and I am not saying the reviews themselves should be frowned upon. However, the problem lies in the way in which Umbridge conducts them – and in the fact that she really is not qualified to conduct them in the first place.  

Throughout the evaluations of professors such as Divination Professor Trelawney, she constantly interrupts the class to ask intrusive and manipulative questions.  Her sole purpose here is to evoke responses from the professors that either incriminate them or question their expertise.  She asks impossible tasks of them, like when she asks Trelawney to "predict something" right on the spot.  

Umbridge's idea of performance reviews is a confrontational attack on the employee, rather than a professional conversation involving constructive feedback. Her lack of professionalism culminates in the messy, dramatic scene she causes when she publicly fires Trelawney in front of the whole school. 

Abuse of Power and People 

Let's start with the dementors that Umbridge sets on Harry to keep him from broadcasting Voldemort's return.  Umbridge secretly sends these dementors to attack Harry while he is out in the Dursleys' Muggle town.  Their sudden appearance forces Harry to use magic to save himself and his cousin Dudley, which is illegal on two counts: using magic while underaged, and using magic in front of a Muggle. 

Of course, these events result in a disciplinary Ministry hearing for Harry – which is Umbridge's goal.  During this hearing, Umbridge accuses Harry not only of lying about Voldemort’s return but also of lying about the presence of dementors. This is an abuse of power in multiple ways, as Umbridge leverages her position to both put Harry in danger and to create a scenario in which she can get him expelled.  

Umbridge later uses her position to physically abuse Harry. During his frequent detentions, she requires him to use a magic pen that carves the message "I must not tell lies" into his hand.  Yes, it becomes a permanent scar. Call HR. 

Umbridge also attempts to get information out of Harry first through a truth potion, and then through the "Unforgivable" (read: illegal) Cruciatus curse, a spell that physically tortures its recipient.  When challenged on its legality, Umbridge responds that what the Minister of Magic doesn't know "cannot hurt him."  

So, Umbridge is essentially willing to break the law knowing she has the power to get away with it. HR, are you there? 

 

Dolores Umbridge: the HP HR nightmare. She discriminates, she manipulates, she abuses power, she abuses people, and she negatively affects all environments she’s in. Her character is the perfect example of what not to do and who not to be in any environment, but particularly in the place where we spend most of our time: the workplace. She is a reminder to show respect to your employees and co-workers, help perpetuate an environment of equal opportunity for growth, and to remember ethics when faced with any decision. 

Well, happy birthday Harry. One of the biggest headaches you come across in your journey has been put on HR trial and deemed an HR nightmare. Feel free to print this out and mail a copy to her in Azkaban for some light reading. 

 


This information is for educational purposes only, and not to provide specific legal advice. This may not reflect the most recent developments in the law and may not be applicable to a particular situation or jurisdiction.

Subscribe To Our Monthly Roundup

Flexible Software Anyone Can Use

By filling out this form, you submit your information to Viventium, who will use it to communicate with you regarding updates and other services.

Overtime Shuffle - Lyrics

Overtime, oh, it’s a complicated game, Different rules in every state, it’s never the same, Multiply by 1.5, but there’s more to see, In this overtime equation, it’s not that easy, you see.

VERSE 1
In the world of work, there’s a tale to be told, About overtime hours, and the payroll gold, A consistent paycheck, that’s the worker’s dream, But when it comes to overtime, it’s not as easy as it seems.

PRE-CHORUS
Oh, Susie worked hard in San Francisco town, But the rules around overtime, they had her feeling down, 42 hours this week, she gave her all, Now it’s time to calculate, let the numbers fall.

CHORUS
Overtime, oh, it’s a complicated game, Different rules in every state, it’s never the same, Multiply by 1.5, but there’s more to see, In this overtime equation, it’s not that easy, you see.

VERSE 2
Exempt or non-exempt, the title they hold, Where they work, where you’re based, it’s all in the fold, California or New York, the laws they diverge, For payroll admins, it’s a never-ending surge.

PRE-CHORUS
Oh, the DOL’s website, a labyrinth to explore, State regulations galore, it’s quite a chore, Staying compliant, it’s a tricky art, Missing out on requirements can break your heart.

CHORUS
Overtime, oh, it’s a complicated game, Different rules in every state, it’s never the same, Multiply by 1.5, but there’s more to see, In this overtime equation, it’s not that easy, you see.

BRIDGE
But here’s a method that can save the day, A payroll software, to keep errors at bay, Input the info right, integrate with ease, No more manual labor, no more overtime fees.

VERSE 3
Back to Susie’s story, she’s owed her due, According to FLSA, it seems we have a clue, $860 on the table, that’s what we’d say, But California’s got its rules, changing the way.

PRE-CHORUS
Oh, California says, hours past eight, Are overtime-eligible, don’t underestimate, Now Susie’s owed $900, that’s the decree, In this overtime puzzle, you gotta set it free.

CHORUS
Overtime, oh, it’s a complicated game, Different rules in every state, it’s never the same, Multiply by 1.5, but there’s more to see, In this overtime equation, it’s not that easy, you see.

OUTRO
So when it’s overtime, and the rules entwine, Choose a payroll software, let it all align, Viventium’s the name, we’ve got the key, To make overtime calculations a breeze, you’ll see.

ENDING
Don’t overwork yourself, don’t you fret, With Viventium by your side, it’s a safe bet, Relax, you’re with us, in this overtime fight, With the right tools in hand, everything’s gonna be alright.

Retroactive Rhythms

Take back time, like a winding clock, Retroactive pay, mending every block. Calculate the hours, with precision and grace, In the world of care, in this payroll space.

VERSE 1
In the world of care, where time slips away, Caregivers dedicate, every single day. But when the hours are missed, in the daily race, Retroactive pay, steps up to embrace.

PRE-CHORUS
A caregiver tired, at the week’s end, Forgot to log hours, a mistake to mend. Admins face the challenge, calculations to make, To set it right, for the caregiver’s sake.

CHORUS
Take back time, like a winding clock, Retroactive pay, mending every block. Calculate the hours, with precision and grace, In the world of care, in this payroll space.

VERSE 2
Manual calculations, prone to a flaw, Dealing with shifts, odd hours, and the law. As your business grows, the cost takes flight, Automated solutions, shining bright.

PRE-CHORUS
Compliance is key, with FLSA’s might, Calculate and compensate, get it right. Avoid the audit’s gaze, fines and the cost, Retroactive pay, no longer lost.

CHORUS
Take back time, like a winding clock, Retroactive pay, mending every block. Calculate the hours, with precision and grace, In the world of care, in this payroll space.

BRIDGE
Employee satisfaction, a crucial part, Resolve mistakes, a work of heart. Relationships flourish, in pay’s embrace, A payroll software, creating a trace.

VERSE 3
Star caregivers, valued and strong, Retention and recruiting, where they belong. Automated solution, a total pay dance, Establish your business, a work-life romance.

PRE-CHORUS
A self-winding watch, Viventium’s grace, Optimizing payroll, in every case. No more struggles, in the payroll game, In it with you, time and time again.

CHORUS
Take back time, like a winding clock, Retroactive pay, mending every block. Calculate the hours, with precision and grace, In the world of care, in this payroll space.

OUTRO
As your business grows, in the hustle and fight, Viventium by your side, making it right. No more worries, in the payroll chain, In it with you, time and time again.

In the Arms of Geo Tax - Lyrics

Geo Tax, oh Geo Tax, our savior in the night, Guiding us through tax laws, shining a bright light. No more payroll worries, no more sleepless nights, With Viventium’s help, we’ll be alright.

VERSE 1
In the world of business, we all aim to thrive, Year after year, our dreams taking flight. But as we soar higher, we start to see, More money, more problems, just like B.I.G. Outgrowing our shell, it’s an exciting phase, But it brings with it some challenging days. Solutions we had, now show their flaws, As we push the boundaries, breaking through the walls.

CHORUS
Geo Tax, oh Geo Tax, our savior in the night, Guiding us through tax laws, shining a bright light. No more payroll worries, no more sleepless nights, With Viventium’s help, we’ll be alright.

VERSE 2
Employees across states, in different localities, Tax laws aplenty, creating complexities. Our old software’s limits, we’ve begun to see, Scaling up our business, we need to break free. Calculating pay and taxes, where it all begins, Errors in this process, lead to countless sins. Employees rely on us, trust in our might, To withhold what’s needed, get it just right.

CHORUS
Geo Tax, oh Geo Tax, our savior in the night, Guiding us through tax laws, shining a bright light. No more payroll worries, no more sleepless nights, With Viventium’s help, we’ll be alright.

BRIDGE
Taxes, they’re not simple, that’s for sure, A world of complexity, there’s always more. But Viventium stands with us, in this fight, Geo Tax, our ally, making everything right.

VERSE 3
CPAs may struggle, and admins too, Keeping up with taxes, what can they do? The rules keep changing, it’s hard to keep pace, But Viventium’s here, in this challenging space.

CHORUS
Geo Tax, oh Geo Tax, our savior in the night, Guiding us through tax laws, shining a bright light. No more payroll worries, no more sleepless nights, With Viventium’s help, we’ll be alright.

OUTRO
So relax, dear business, and set your mind free, With Geo Tax on our side, we’re the best that we can be. Viventium’s got us, in this tax-filled fight, No more worries, no more sleepless nights.

REPEAT CHORUS
Geo Tax, oh Geo Tax, our savior in the night, Guiding us through tax laws, shining a bright light. No more payroll worries, no more sleepless nights, With Viventium’s help, we’ll be alright.

Payroll Grid Serenade - Lyrics

Configurable Payroll Grids, a helping hand in sight, In the realm of admin life, where details are rife. With custom views and filters, they navigate through the night, Let’s celebrate this feature, it’s the heart of our work life.

VERSE 1
In the world of admin tasks, where changes often arise, There’s a tool that’s been a savior, under office fluorescent skies. With flexibility and precision, it eases their daily strife, Let’s sing about this feature, it’s the pulse of our work life.

CHORUS
Configurable Payroll Grids, a helping hand in sight, In the realm of admin life, where details are rife. With custom views and filters, they navigate through the night, Let’s celebrate this feature, it’s the heart of our work life.

VERSE 2
Admins wear many hats, in their daily grind, Sometimes they need to adjust, leave no errors behind. Adding extra hours, bonuses, or fixing pay, They need a simple method, to make it all okay.

CHORUS
Configurable Payroll Grids, a helping hand in sight, In the realm of admin life, where details are rife. With custom views and filters, they navigate through the night, Let’s celebrate this feature, it’s the heart of our work life.

BRIDGE
Custom views and filters, tailor it to your need, Focus on the important, no need for needless speed. A hundred-dollar bonus, a few clicks and it’s in flight, Admins get it done, making sure it’s right.

VERSE 3
In the admin’s world, where numbers have their say, This tool steps in gracefully, making tasks less gray. An interface so intuitive, like an Excel sheet, Changing data effortlessly, making work complete.

CHORUS
Configurable Payroll Grids, a helping hand in sight, In the realm of admin life, where details are rife. With custom views and filters, they navigate through the night, Let’s celebrate this feature, it’s the heart of our work life.

OUTRO
So here’s to Payroll Grids, in our song of praise they gleam, For admins working diligently, they fulfill a dream. In the world of office hustle, they bring much-needed light, Let’s tip our hats to this tool, and its invaluable might.

Automation Anthem - Lyrics

Rule-Based Automation, it’s the name of the game, Less manual toil, less stress and shame, With policies and standards, we’ll pave the way, To automate your chores and brighten your day.

VERSE 1
In the world of payroll, a daily task we face, Admins work hard, in this complex space, They handle policies, with attention and care, But there’s a solution that’s beyond compare.

PRE-CHORUS
Oh, payroll admins, your role’s crucial and true, But there’s a tool we’ve got, just for you, Let’s explore rule-based automation, my friend, With Viventium, your tasks will gently mend.

CHORUS
Rule-Based Automation, it’s the name of the game, Less manual toil, less stress and shame, With policies and standards, we’ll pave the way, To automate your chores and brighten your day.

VERSE 2
Standardize policies, that’s the key, For tenure, role, union status, you’ll see, PTO, bonuses, pay rates defined, Automation makes your workload more aligned.

PRE-CHORUS
Oh, payroll admins, the burden’s a load, But rule-based automation lightens the road, No more tiresome chores, no more dread, With Viventium, it’s smoother ahead.

CHORUS
Rule-Based Automation, it’s the name of the game, Less manual toil, less stress and shame, With policies and standards, we’ll pave the way, To automate your chores and brighten your day.

BRIDGE
In the world of payroll, where tasks repeat, We’ve got the solution, it’s oh so neat, “If this, then that,” it’s simple and sly, With Viventium by your side, you’ll reach for the sky.

VERSE 3
Tenure-based PTO, a common request, With Viventium, it’s passed the ultimate test, Set it up once, and then you’ll see, Automation handles the chore, oh so free.

PRE-CHORUS
Oh, payroll admins, take a breath, take a pause, With Rule-Based Automation, you’ll find no flaws, It’s easy, it’s simple, no programming in sight, Viventium’s got you covered, day and night.

CHORUS
Rule-Based Automation, it’s the name of the game, Less manual toil, less stress and shame, With policies and standards, we’ll pave the way, To automate your chores and brighten your day.

OUTRO
So if you’re a payroll admin, feeling the weight, Let Viventium’s Rule-Based Automation be your fate, No more worries, no more strife, With Viventium, you’ll transform your work life.

The Data Groove - Lyrics

Oh, the Report Library, it’s the heart of the show, Where numbers come alive and insights start to flow. With Viventium’s aid, it’s a breeze, can’t you see? Reporting made easy, for your company to be free.

VERSE 1
In the world of business, it’s a complex game, With factors and figures, it’s never the same. Decisions are key, they’ll determine your fate, So listen up closely, don’t be a bit late.

PRE-CHORUS
Gather your data, don’t let it fade, In the depths of spreadsheets, don’t let it cascade. Your HCM software, is it up to the task? To capture and store, to help you unmask.

CHORUS
Oh, the Report Library, it’s the heart of the show, Where numbers come alive and insights start to flow. With Viventium’s aid, it’s a breeze, can’t you see? Reporting made easy, for your company to be free.

VERSE 2
Once the data’s collected, it’s time to report, But it can be daunting, that’s the common retort. Pre-built solutions, they’re your guiding light, Turning raw data into visions so bright.

PRE-CHORUS
No more manual hours, no errors in sight, With report library’s might, everything’s right. Payroll summaries, tax liabilities, and more, All in a flash, you’ll have what you adore.

CHORUS
Oh, the Report Library, it’s the heart of the show, Where numbers come alive and insights start to flow. With Viventium’s aid, it’s a breeze, can’t you see? Reporting made easy, for your company to be free.

BRIDGE
Viventium’s here, with a passion so true, Constantly improving, for folks just like you. A Report Library, a gift from the stars, For data-driven dreams, it’ll take you far.

CHORUS
Oh, the Report Library, it’s the heart of the show, Where numbers come alive and insights start to flow. With Viventium’s aid, it’s a breeze, can’t you see? Reporting made easy, for your company to be free.

OUTRO
So remember this lesson, in the business terrain, It’s all ’bout decisions, don’t let ’em wane. With data as your guide, and Viventium’s grace, You’ll conquer the challenges you’ll face.